Breast Intentions


Not that you need more proof I was a total Stripper Cliché, I am here to tell you, I had breast implants.

It’s been a few years since I had the bookends removed, but I still think of those salt-water funbags from time to time. I am devoting a whole chapter in my book to the experience (Breast Implants, the early years).

As I write my chapter, I thought it was fitting to share one of my first posts here.

This is a true story.

In my late twenties and new in town, I’m completing the obligatory first-timers paperwork in a doctor’s office. I circle yes or no to the usual questions, turn in the clipboard and return to my seat.

After a minute or so, I am asked to approach the reception desk.
I circled ‘yes’ after “Have you ever had implants?” adding, “1990-2003” on the paper. I wish words could describe the looks I received. Scrub Divas wanted answers.

With the shrug of my shoulders and a pat on my back for honesty, I said, “the novelty wore off and I was pretty much done with them”.

I suddenly witness simultaneous head-tilt-with-a-smile faces on four soccer-mommyesque medical assistants.

I can’t remember what happened next, but eventually it was concluded that I misunderstood the question and we all shared a room full of laughter.

The doctor I was visiting was a dentist.


16 thoughts on “Breast Intentions

  1. I got them when I was 19 or 20 years old and underweight at a size 2. Years later, and very much retired (and 20 pounds heavier), I decided those things were just too big, and hardening by the day. Happily, they turned out fine. The extra fat on me serves them well too! Full story in the book.


  2. Only someone with dental implants wouldn't think of anything else first. Having experienced same, I would venture that they result in fewer complications.


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