10 things that matter to me. In no particular order:
1) Humor

I am reading a book called Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher (yes, Princess Leia) and I have to share my favorite line in Chapter One:If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.

I love Carrie’s humor. No matter what tickles your funny bone, I h
ope you laugh daily and laugh often, especially at life’s little challenges thrown your way. Life really is hysterical.

2) My Love Life

Like most everyone, I’ve kissed a lot of frogs. Blinded by the delusional fantasy that those little green amphibians were the circles to my square, I pushed on. And pushed. And pushed some more. I pushed so much that at 41, my spine has been conditioned with each heart-ache-filled realization that I was fighting losing battles. It’s only after I stopped pushing that I feel liberated. This may sound like I’m trying to be a Prima Donna, but I don’t care; I want to be adored, cherished, and courted. Stature and wealth are meaningless compared to real love. It finally found me and I am basking.

3) My Friends

I’ve been a horrible friend. I’ve been a good friend. My circle of lovelies’ stay with me no matter what and that blows my mind. Through my own self-induced narcissistic tantrums for attention, they stay by me. I’ve cultivated amazing friendships through the years – most of them surpassing 20 years. To simply mark a list including ‘friends’ as something that is most important to me, is not enough. My friends deserve a parade.

Tattoos of the Friendship sign. This is a photo of just three (out of nine) of us who have this. I’m on the left (right wrist).

4) Cancer

Cancer is important to me because it’s not just a word anymore. To me, it stands for courage, love, death, sorrow, faith, triumph, suffering, and life. Cancer does not need to win, but she’s a fickle bitch who needs our attention and constant reminders how powerful she is. Because my cancer has the highest recurrence rate of any malignancy (over 70%), you can bet your bladder not a day goes by I don’t know I lucky I am to have caught it early… and by mistake.

5) Chocolate

Sometimes only the salacious ceremony of Dove Dark Chocolate sliding down my throat is all that matters.

6) Security

How is it that I work in the finance industry and I can barely balance my checkbook? Suzie Orman makes me nervous, although I know I could learn a lot from her. Maybe it’s my wild days of making hundreds of dollars in cash a night, maybe it’s the way I was raised (my mom spoiled me out of guilt for putting me in the line of fire for her poor choices), but I need to respect money more. I am learning to save, and that it’s ok to say those four words; I can’t afford it.

7) Time

I was just talking about this the other day. Donning a philosophical cap, I find it so fascinating that time never changes pace, yet drips by so slowly when you are on the treadmill and blinks in a flash when you hit the snooze button. One thing I know for sure; moms never seem to have enough of it, you never get it back, and I never want to take it for granted.

8) Health

Riding the coattails of # 4, I wanted to give Health due justice. I’ve been underweight and overweight. I’ve polluted my body, fasted for 21 days and have eaten only organic. I’ve literally been my own science experiment. Through my own experience, I will say that eating healthy and maintaining some sort of exercise program does make me feel better. Also, sugar is evil. I never knew how so many health issues were related to sugar. I say all this with cupcakes in the refrigerator.

9) My brain

I’ve had an interesting road with my brain. After a brief hospital stay last year (thanks to a prescription-trigger-happy doctor), I never want to take it (or science) for granted again. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me, or are the doctor’s going a little crazy? During those times, I buckle up and remember I’m not the only one who has off days. How do parents do it? Seriously. I only have myself to answer to, and it’s a balancing act at that. It’s amazing what a long walk and meditation can do for your brain, instead of pills.

10) Passion

What makes you thrive? What lights your ass on fire? I’m not t
alking about sexual passion here. I’m talking about what makes you – you. There is an old saying; ‘do what you love, love what you do’. It’s not about making money (although that would be heaven); it’s about not being able to do anything else. I’ve taken acting classes because I feel alive when I’m on stage, not to be the next Meryl Streep. I write because my fingers drive my insides and the keyboard is along for the joy-ride. I sing in the car because it makes me happy.

I am not sure it’s a Scorpio thing, or if everyone feels this way, but passion has always been my strength and weakness. Parlay my passion in to obsession and we’ve got problems, so I try to keep the balance on the corner of mea culpa and exuberance. It’s an uneven surface, but the neighborhood is never boring.

25 thoughts on “Matterisms

  1. I didn't know you had any cancer, I am so sorry, I really am.I want you to be one of the lucky people, where it never returns! I am going to pray for you always.Secretia


  2. Thanks all! It was really great to write it all down and take a step back to realize what (my) life is about. Well. Some of it, anyway. Scorpio-ness. I have it through and through; good, bad and ugly. @Secretia – thanks, hon. I am doing very well now. I will have to post about the story one day. It is a unique one, in that I am in the 2% demographic of patients for this unusual type of cancer. I was very lucky to have caught it so early and, really by mistake! Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and comment. It truly means so much. xxoo


  3. What a great list! I love that you started with Carrie Fisher (and posted her on my blog too). She is one of absolute faves. I love her wit and self-deprecation. She's one of my idols and who I often aspire to with my writing. Wishful Drinking was great!


  4. I came here clicking on SITS links to post comments and read every one on your current page before deciding to comment. I really enjoy your openness. Your comments on these "matterisms" are thoughtful and show great depth. I will definitely be back to read more of your postings in the future. Thank you.


  5. Thank you and great meeting you! I ADORE SITS and everything they are about. I've never read a post (via SITS) that I didn't like, or from whom I didn't have a warm spot in my heart for. 🙂


  6. Wow, I've never seen such a complete list in my life. It's like you know how to write what a lot of people are thinking but who can't put the words together.I don't know how you do it, but I like and it's inspiring!And that fact that humor is involved is even better!Thanks for making me think…now if I could only write it down…


  7. I loved this one, Christine. And I'm with you on all of them, even the cancer one. I've never had it, but my baby sister has had it twice, the first time when she was just 16. How much more I appreciate her because we came so close to losing her! I'm all about humor, and I'm cross stitching Carrie's quote on a sampler for my parlor. OK, not really. But it's going on a wall somewhere.I kissed frogs who then went on to kiss each other. I still marvel at how lucky I was when Mr. Right-and Straight came along!!And I totally get the passion thing. As a Gemini, there's always some part of me saying, "Go! Go!" and another part saying, "No! Don't make waves! Don't look like an idiot!" So half of me is always fun at parties, anyway.


  8. So there I was looking at the, "I understand and want to continue" button. I thought to myself, I don't understand much of anything, but I want to continue. Because if I don't continue, I will never know how my life turns out. I would do a list, but it would probably take a week because I'm too easily distracted when more than one sub topic is involved… and lord help us if the answer requires much of an explanation.If I had to pick any of the subjects of your post, they'd be humor because it helps us to be well, and passion, because it gives us the drive to finish. Ironically, they are your first and last.


  9. Passion is a difficult one for me because I am very passionate and it affects everything.I am in a rare percentage of the population who is sensitive when it comes to feeling the energies of others.I'm trying to learn about this now so I can protect myself from those who already know how to manipulate that energy for their own selfish benefit.I'm pretty guarded now but I am still passionate. I just put myself first now and have no problem walking if someone treats me like shit.There are no second chances with me anymore when it comes to manipulation.Forgiveness is a wonderful thing but I do not lay myself down as a doormat for anyone.Sorry for the rant.I admire you because you have overcome so much. I only hope to one day do the same.


  10. Humor and Passion have kept me alive at times in my life nothing else would or could. I too sing in the car, and everywhere & anywhere else I can. Because at times I am exploding with passion. Being able to express passion with my voice in so powerful a fashion is something I can feel to the very core of my being. Quite often singing for me is way more a cathartic release than crying. Or Chocolate. Or anything.Just found your blog from Lori's, and I've read from your most recent post to here so far. I'm working my way back. Writing is also something that is life affirming for me, a release, a trail of empathic bread crumbs through my history. Online, and off, I write for so many reasons, and because like singing it helps me express what I'm feeling. Six years ago June I started, for the first time in my life, a diary, a journal, in a 200 page college ruled comp book. I figured then it should last me a couple of decades. Six years and 18 volumes later I'm still going. Sometimes through a volume a month. Anyway I wanted to say thanks for sharing, and for being an artist with written language.@Shelly, welcome to my life. I too am an empath, and after being horribly abused am learning all over again how to live, and function in a world that can be horrific at times. You are so not alone. I know how it feels. Sometimes I wish I didn't.


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