.

Yesterday I met with a wise man. He listened to me bitch about the return of my optical migraines.If you don’t have personal knowledge of these brain bashes, color me green with envy. Optical migraines for me are in a word, debilitating.

Are you under an unusual amount of stress? Wise Man asked.
My lips curved up slightly and my head tilted as if deciding a flavor ice cream he was offering.
Ummmm. Not that I can… I started to answer.

Wise Man returned my grin and searched in my eyes, waiting for me to continue.
Well. I am writing a memoir about my drug addiction and years as a stripper. I shared.

Like a father discovering a nail in the tire, Wise Man gave a look of ‘well, there it is’ and raised his hands before clasping them calmly on his lap. I suddenly realized what he was about to say and felt a little foolish for not knowing sooner.

Well Christine, anytime you dig deep into emotional history, you will undoubtedly feel added stress, even if it is only on a subconscious level.
I nodded in agreement.

My neurology appointment is scheduled and I am taking measures to work through this onset of challenges.

Writing is still bringing a small amount of stress, but there is more cathartic joy within the walls of my memory to stop my fingers from speaking to the keys. Not even brainpain will stop me from finishing this manuscript.

***

We all have things in life that are a pain in the neck. Things that make us grown-ups and words we accept in our adult vocabulary like responsibility and obligation.

The truth is – life is harder than fun most of the time. Reality kicks us and we fall. The thing to remember is: Just keep getting back up. 



.

“The best way out is always through”
Robert Frost

16 comments

  1. That migraine sounds really painful. I hope it gets better for you.I've found that, over time, remembering the traumatic things gets a little easier. I had to keep reminding myself that those people who existed in that part of my life can't touch me anymore. Whenever I hear the echo of my awful, verbally abusive ex in my head I picture myself laughing at him and it goes away.Keep moving forward, I'm looking forward to the book!

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  2. Feel better. I don't have what my grandmother called, the curse of the mind, but many in my family suffer terribly from it. And when you travel through the hard stuff, when you keep going, you will find the light and the freeing release from all the bad. Good luck on your travels. Writing, for me, is the blessed balm. I hope the same for you.

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  3. I've had those so I think I know what you are going through. As a teacher I get them not from psych trauma but from being on the computer too much, correcting exams and writing lesson plans. Mine come from overusing my eyes. You know, doctors dont know everything….Just relax your eyes from time to time. : )

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  4. I sure am sorry you're suffering. And yes, one of the surprises of adulthood is that the childhood version of you was right: Life is harder than it is fun. I think we forget that it wasn't exactly cotton candy and rainbows when we were kids, either. One sign that you've become a card-carrying grownup is that you stop pretending life's just a big ol' party.In truth, it's better than that. It's life.

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  5. A wall of sorts is being put up to protect you from the past you are trying to unearth and share with others. One you finish, the pain will subside, because it could not stop you. A hand is reaching out to hold and comfort and encourage.

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  6. Keep moving forward… a phrase I relied heavily upon these last 3 years. And if that didn't work, I remembered that when I was about to fall, I had to fall forward.

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  7. My wife gets very bad migraines. Me, I've never had one, but I also know other people who do, and I see how much it affects them. Some of them take prescribed medicine. My wife however, thinks it's related to the weather. Of course, she is her own doctor and knows more about medicine than doctors do. Just sayin'. It could be the subconscious stress, but she doesn't want to hear other opinions on the matter.

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  8. sorry to hear about your migraines. my own subconscious stress manifests in nightly teeth-grinding and gnashing that has cracked 3 molars and leaves me with horrendous headaches. look to see where else in your body your pain is held. as a former performance artist myself, i am not surprised to find odd pains surfacing in the musculature of my abdomen, you know, right between my 2nd and third chakras where the energy system mitigates sexuality, self-esteem, and financial security…and I have been retired from the pole for 15 years now! be well and peaceful! i just tucked a benjamin for you virtually. you deserve it! xo kitty

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  9. Wow! Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments and encouragement!I've stayed off the computer most of the day since posting this. I know my eyes need a break and to come back and read your comments… well.. I'm very touched. I wrote about 20 pages yesterday – and the headache came back full swing this morning. I am so amazed that writing about certain things has so a profound effect on my head. Who knew? I'm sure the doc will give me meds for this, but for now, Excedrin is taking (most of) it away, so I just have to deal with the nausea. Good times! The satisfaction of finishing the book will be even sweeter now. I wonder how many of us would get a headache writing about our childhood? 🙂

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  10. "I wonder how many of us would get a headache writing about our childhood?"Me. I would… …probably not as intense as yours. Heck, I get a headache just thinking about writing about my childhood.

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  11. You probably need to do some "counter physical healing", something that rewards your body and your mind for its efforts, that will psychologically help ease some of that tension.Like a restorative yoga class (not power/astanga) + mediation.Or go and lie on a rug, in a beautiful park and look up at the trees and clouds and….drift to your inner strength through peace.Thinking of you.Was just stopping by to let you know I nominated you for an Academy and my blog, but wanted to send you my love after reading this.http://nightingaledancer.blogspot.com/2010/03/who-needs-acadamy-award.htmlMuch LoveND

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