I feel more exposed writing about my skin these past two days than I ever have strutting on stage naked.
Each word is a delicate layer of my mask being lifted. The more I write, the brighter the bulb.
Stripping was an amazing ride, but having the normal life I was longing for years outweighs it all. I am finally leveled in the balance of self-acceptance and it feels amazing.
How about you? Any regrets…reliefs? Do you have any parts of a mask you want to shed or have left behind?
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and to never stop fighting.” — E. E. Cummings
Published by Christine Macdonald
About Christine Macdonald
Christine Macdonald is a Los Angeles based author from the island of O’ahu.
Through her writing she uses her voice, a unique blend of cutting truth and self-deprecating humor to inspire others to release their shame and tell their story.
She is public about her struggles with clinical depression and PTSD from childhood abuse.
Her forthcoming book of essays about surviving addiction and a career in the sex industry will be published in 2020.
For more on Christine’s remarkable story visit her website www.poletosoul.com.
View all posts by Christine Macdonald
12 thoughts on “Exposed”
I don't wear masks hon.I've had the same blog since 2006. I used to write about my past and then my computer got hacked and that blog got erased.If anything, I have been too honest with people and revealed too much about myself in the past.I'm glad your bulb shines brighter the more you reveal here on your blog.I'm just the opposite now though. My bulb burns brighter when I'm mysterious.
I had the same experience when I first began blogging three years ago. Simply sharing my story with others along with finally processing my own thoughts honestly allowed introspection far deeper than ever before. I guess it's my own Hubble Telescope turned inward. "It's full of stars, Hal," she said.
I try to live with no regrets because whatever happened it was what I wanted at that time. I like to look at those events as pages (or chapters) in the story of my life. Can't wait until yours is published!
I regret the loss of my first love.
Masks are hard not to want to hide behind, but I try. I try to live by a no regrets policy, which doesn't mean never making mistakes, but means accepting the mistakes as part of our path of enlightenment and loving them as part of ourselves. They are building blocks and all.The two things I can come closest to saying I would "regret" are letting "Z" get away, and wasting the better part of 3 years with a guy who was probably the result of a rebound because of Z.But to regret those things would be against the truth of what I said above. So I struggle to love the painful choices. The jury's still out in many ways. I am a work in progress. 🙂
Thanks all for your comments. I agree about 'regret'. I don't regret stripping for one minute. I wish I would have taken better care of my skin and not punished myself for being different and taking drugs to mask my truth, but I don't regret my choices. We are not who we are today because of things we may have done. We define ourselves by the choices we make and aren't we all pretty amazing because of it? Still. I want this chapter to be finished. Re-living this part is not fun and I can't wait to get to the wild and fun stuff!
I am so in love with your posts. They are, in a word, extraordinary. I felt this way, the minute I declared myself a writer and announced to the world I was writing a book. I felt raw. My biggest regret was not believing in myself earlier and starting down this writing path a little bit sooner. But, I also believe in the karmic order of the universe and I was completely there for my 3 girls who never cease to amaze me as they grow into adults. So, maybe that regret is not so remorseful
Thank you so much, Joann. I feel you, and agree with the Universe Plan. Even though I am finally ready to share my story, I still feel vulnerable. It's the hard parts thate make life worth while though, isn't it?Congratulations on your work – with the kids AND your book. Great things are ahead. xxoo
Maybe I should post anonymously before removing my mask. Ahh, got ya curious now. Nah, I would say back in my single dating days, there were women who were interested in me, but while dating I didn't move forward enough and they took it as me not being interested in them. I thought I was being a gentleman by taking things slow and not going all gaga over them, and they took it as a lack of interest.Consider me educated.
Just linked to you in a meme on my blog…xx
My small nipples…*Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man's Dating Diary*
@Matty – What an interesting perscpective. I never realized it from that angle. When you think about it, the people who we are meant to be with shouldn't take that much work though right? So everything worked out! @Farmer's Wife – Oh honey, thank you! Muah! 🙂 @Plenty — You mean to say you haven't revealed those alreday? Pffft. 😉