What did we do before Facebook Friends, Blog Pages and Twitter Followers?

Social networking can be a great way to communicate with friends, share family photos, promote your business and even re-connect with childhood crushes.

This computerized community can also be nothing more than a popularity game.

In today’s techno savvy world of top-this and ranked-that, it’s easy to get caught up in the dodge-ball syndrome of likeability anxiety.

A natural part of our psyche as human beings is wanting to be accepted, liked and to some, even popular.

The problem with virtual reality is that we often equate not being followed or favortited as something personal; it really isn’t. Not remembering that can feel like high school all over again.



When I worked at Studio 54 (strip club in Hawaii, not Disco in New York), I posted a sign I typed up after learning this phrase in therapy: “When people say no, don’t take it personally”. Pretty heavy for a coked-up stripper with daddy issues.


Halloween, 1993 (yes, that’s my real hair) Do you see the sign on the left?
No matter what your career, blog rank or even Facebook friend numbers are – remember not to be caught up in the hype
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If you lose a follower, what does that say about you? Nothing. In the grand scheme of things, how many followers you have is not important. What’s important is that you don’t stop following you.
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Appreciate readers and cherish (on and off-line) friends. Be your own trending topic. That way and no matter what the cyber-gadgets say, you will always come out on top.

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“We are all primary numbers divisible only by ourselves” ~Jean Guitton
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33 comments

  1. your point is well taken and i thank you for reminding us of the truth. frankly, i'm a blog comment whore. there are days when a comment on my blog means too much – fortunately i do have a real life to keep things in balance.

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  2. Thanks for taking the time to read and… comment. 🙂 I often find myself putting too much weight (and personal self-worth stock) on comments, followers and the like. I'm the queen of projection – and this post is an illustration of that; publicly reminding myself of the very things I need to keep in check.

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  3. The only thing I see a follower as is a potential person that will be reached by my words. Everyone that reads helps my voice to be heard.Its also an opportunity to see what they have to share in their blog and in their own words. It never occurred to me that some people may not think they have a voice if it isn't heard.

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  4. Christine, it's interesting that you write about this. Earlier today I read a post by a person I follow where the entire article was about having lost a follower. That was it. It wasn't just a little snippet in a larger post. The entire article was about their numbers going down. The writer even went on to solicit people to follow the blog and get the number back up to x amount. And it's one of many I've seen over time about a concern about the numbers. I have many followers in my list who I never ever hear from. I would imagine a lot of other people do too. I prefer to have quality over quantity. I'd rather have readers who actually read and communicate with me, who want to forge a relationship, than a larger number of followers who never show up.

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  5. For some (like me), it's very easy to get caught up in the whole 'follower' aspect. We forget why we are writing to beging with. For me, it's about sharing what goes on in my head and connecting with people. I am writing my memoir for my own sanity and record of a decade long experience that was extraodrdinary. I would love readers to connect with this, but I need to remember – it's a personal journey. Thanks for the comment, M.

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  6. I'd like to say I didn't "live" for comments and followers, but when I'm here (online)… I do. *blush*The instant gratification of blogging can be addicting, huh?BTW: Love the costume… And the hair. 😉

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  7. I've been seeing this fretfulness all over lately as well!So silly yes?What's crazy is, I've been hearing left and right from people who do NOT follow me how much they enjoy my blog.So you just never know.

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  8. @EmStatic – Thanks for the costume compliment. I was a little obsessed with Dee-Light and dressed up as the lead singer (ok, my take on her) for two Halloween's in a row. You hit the nail on the Bloggy Head when you talk about how addicting instant blog gratification is. Well, my Bloggy head, anyway. @Deborah – In the big picture, it is silly, I agree. It is very telling (revealing) when our emotions are connected to the silliness of it all. It usually digs a little deeper as to why we care as much as we do (a.k.a take it so personally). It's never just about 'A' without touching in to 'B', is it?

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  9. I know people who become obsessed when they lose a follower on blogger or twitter or facebook. I admit that at first I was the same way. I think we all are. But, I got used to it. Especially after I lost 12 followers in one day. People are touchy. These things happen sometimes. 😉

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  10. It's a tough thing to steel yourself against, but not every single person will always love what you have to say. I used to work for the local paper until it folded like so much of paper journalism these days. Sometimes my editorials touched nerves and let's just say people can be very unkind. It was tough to swallow hard and go on, but you have to. Please yourself, be your own follower. I love this and will try to remember it.

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  11. @Jay – I think we all are too and I agree: Sh*t happens! 🙂 @Joann – I just adore you. xo@Megan – I am hearing sarcasm and I love it. I love that we are all 'not alone' even in our isolated neuroses. 🙂

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  12. I am absolutely amazed that anyone follows my blog. What really blows me away is that I consider a majority of them to be far better bloggers than I. And yes, I have noticed that a majority of them are ladies, too.I've been doing this internet thing since the last century… did the BBS thing before that was even cool. Ironically, I get a bigger kick out of getting a response when I comment on another blog, than when I get a comment on my own blog.

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  13. Oh, this is time relative to me. I have had people follow and then unfollow. I just don't get it. I am really good about commenting to others that comment to me, and even go around and comment to those I have not seen in a while. It is hard not to take it personally at times. Even though I wish I did not care at times…there are other times I want to hunt the person down and ask Why did you unfollow me? Alas, I usually don't know who unfollowed me. One of these days I am going to unfollow all the people that don't follow me. (When I find that kind of time.)Warm blessings darling!

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  14. That is a great saying. I've calmed down in the past couple of years and don't take rejection as personally as I used to.I am not on Facebook, but I have this blog and I love all of my readers.

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  15. I rarely have the time to keep up with blogs let alone keep up with who is following anymore.I honestly don't read or comment on blogs because of how popular they are. In fact, some of the most popular blogs I find completely boring and most of the people would probably get a D in an English class.I admire people who use their blogs for a purpose or people who blog to build up readers in hopes of getting published.What I have noticed, with a lot of bloggers though, is they lie about who they are and hide behind an avatar.I used to know one guy who had multiple blogs and pretended to be something he wasn't. I love real people but how does one honestly know who a person is if they only know them as an Internet personality?I blog but not as a means to escape the real world anymore. I have never lied on my blog or pretended to be something I am not.A lot of people do though- even celebrities.I wrote to one for two years. I ought to know.I use to admire this person until I found out they were just another really good liar who hid behind an image and a blog.Damn I have been ranting about this all week.I need to stop. Energy wasted on those who do not deserve it can better be utilized to do positive things.

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  16. Yes following and unfollowing, friending and defriending, it's all the rage ATM. I blog because I love reading about other peoples lives and the connection that I can make with you guys being so far away…just through my computer. It truly amazes me.

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  17. I can't believe that is your own hair…it's amazing! I would be lying if I said I didn't get a little upset when I lost a follower…but, it happened and the next day I had a new one. When one door closes… Can't be to worried about being popular..then what would you be writing? Just what you think others want to hear?? That's not fun, and it defeats my whole purpose of blogging…

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  18. Stopping by from SITS – Excellent point/photos/writing 🙂 It's so hard to separate what should be taken as a personal affront or compliment from what is not – Rarely are we able to be objective about the situation in a timely manner (at least I'm not!) Happy day!

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  19. You really are awesome to me because of values like this. You value the individual and cherish learned experiences. Real, lasting friendships is what I pursue, and even though my page views per day fluctuate, following my "followers" is important to me. And at the end of the day, I still write for one person the most: ME.

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  20. As someone who actually went to school with you and seeing you run with the popular crowd, I am surprised by what I am reading and find your stories interesting. It just goes to show that you never know what's really going on behind ones curtain of life.Good luck to you in whatever you do.Note: I have yet to see a story as to how or why you actually began your career as a stripper. Did I miss it?

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  21. Thanks, I wish I knew who you were. (?) I was always trying to be part of the 'in' crowd, but never was. I wonder what you saw… I will get in to why I started stripping in more detail, but if you read through this blog, you will learn it was all about trying to feel beautiful, which I never felt because of my skin.

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  22. Show one's gratitude you very much in regard to the take forum. I academic a lot and got to understand the spot on with spellbinding people. I'll be a ordinary visitor.

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