Metabolism Mistress


We’ve all done it: Saved that pair of pants from one (or two) sizes ago with the forthright conviction of wearing them again.

That button-closing-euphoria feeling you experience alone in your bedroom is better than sex. Well, almost. But who can think of naked play time when your skinny jeans are mocking you from the closet?
Metabolism is a bitch. For most of us, she is a fickle mistress we playfully tease in our twenties with second helpings of cheesecake and carefree champagne brunches. In our thirties her spandex is replaced with Spanxand what was once exuberance becomes irritation. We take her for granted and with each bite of portion distortion, ignore the warning signs of Slow Speed Ahead.

By the time we reach forty, our annoyed little Metabolism Mistress becomes a bitter ex-girlfriend. Longing for happier times, we reach out with promises of I am starting my diet tomorrow hoping she will return, even faster and freer than before. After a handful of failed attempts to whittle our waist size, we realize something. We turned our metabolism away. We see now that she is tired of doing all the work. Feelings of self-loathing and defeat consume us and we are left alone to drop off the pieces – one calorie at a time.

Talk about a buzz kill.

A recent study from the Centers for Disease Control tells us the prevalence of adults in the U.S. who are obese remains high. Approximately one-third are in line to receive a series health issues all related to tipping the scales.
Diabetes, your table is ready.

Becoming physically fit is the Catch-22 mother of all Captain Obvious conundrums: eat less, move more. But we have no energy to move more because we’ve eaten too much. The cycle continues.

The fact is, most of us with weight issues are struggling emotionally. Our bodies are a bi-product of the mental malfunctions we attempt to remedy with (comfort) food. We literally push our skinny jeans in the back of the closet while stuffing denial in every pocket.

Some of us overeat out of depression, stress, boredom, and many other reasons that have nothing to do with hunger.

So what can we do?

To quote Nike’s infamous tagline: Just do it. Dust off that bathroom scale and face the dragon; The Dragon being a fire-breathing reality check that can save your life if only you would respect the flames. Write the number on the scale down. Now tell yourself you will never have to see that number again.

Next, make the decision to want to change. N
othing really changes until you connect the dots between your mental, emotional and physical self.

Now that you’ve decided to do the work, it’s time to actually do the work.

When you make the choice to be the best you can be, the necessary work it takes to get there becomes a victorious journey of self-love.

Be creative with your metabolism re-connection road. Romance her with different fitness dates. Try a hip-hop or spinning class. Shelf the ego and pose yourself happy with beginner’s yoga. Remember to have fun.

You hold the crayons and your body is the coloring book. The moment you realize this wonderful fact, something liberating happens. You create a personal masterpiece within the pages of your spirit; one Crayola at a time.

23 thoughts on “Metabolism Mistress

  1. Wow, wow, wow. I loved every single word of this. You are 100% correct on all accounts. I am posting a link to this on my diet/fitness blog that I keep separate from my personal blog. Your writing is amazing. You have a gift.


  2. Such a good blog! After a winter of relative inactivity, I can button my old size jeans, if I exhale. Sitting down after I"m in them, is another story.According to a report on NPR today about older women and weight control:At least an hour of moderate activity a day is needed for older women at a healthy weight who aren't dieting. For those who are already overweight — and that's most American women — even more exercise is called for to avoid gaining weight without eating less, the study results suggest.I've found this to be true. I need at least 60 minutes a day of hard pedaling on my stationary bike, or brisk walking, just to maintain my weight.


  3. You know, I love it when I come into a perfect storm of 'the right message' and 'the right attitude'. I really, really needed to hear this, Christine. And I'm going to do it. Just like you say. I'm going up to that scale, right down that number, pick up the scale, throw it out the window, and tell myself I never have to see……wait. What I mean is, I'm just going to Do It! I have a writers' conference in a month, and I'm actually speaking at a bloggers' conference over Memorial Day weekend, and I am NOT hauling this butt o' lard with me to either one!!I LOVE YOU!!


  4. Ah girl. I actually but clothes based on how I want to look. They still have tags on them. I have been back at the gym full force and finally after about 4 months of really hard work am starting to see some improvement. But I uswed to see a difference in a week. Damn matabolism!


  5. Christine, This one speaks to my heart. (as I sit here with my glass of wine.)Three years ago, I was in the shape of my life. I felt great. I was a size 2. I didn't look my age of 40 somethin' somethin'. But, it came with a huge chunk of my time devoted to fitness. And then I decided to prioritize making my book first. That meant family had to come second and the fitness trickled down drastically. Right now, I can honestly say I'm not happy with my jeans size or my fitness level. (I hope no one hisses at me when I say I'm a size 6, but trust me, I'm a small statured girl and fitness and staying in shape has always been a top priority.) None of my clothes fit and I just feel yuck. My Women's Health magazine this month had a statistic that said something about a week has 168 hours in it and all you need to give is something like 4 hours a week to stay fit. Such perspective. My darling, darling husband just bought me the Pilates Reformer that I was coveting. Just. Do. It. Yeah.


  6. "Now that you've decided to do the work, it's time to actually do the work."Pardon me if I steal that line and scribble it all over my refrigerator, across my laptop and possibly on the back of my hand so I don't forget it during the day. I need to remember that on so many levels of my life.Also, I'm stealing the "inner child" thing you left on my blog, too.


  7. @Denae – Guuuurl. You can do it! :)@Danielle – I have done that too! I have a handful of skirts that were just too perfect to pass up from a sale etc. The tags are mocking me right now. @Joann – I adore your husband. :)@Em – I am honored! Thanks, girlie!


  8. I'm 42 and still have a pair of 501's that I wore in high school, and after my 1st child (7 years ago) and all the breast feeding, I was able to button them without too much angst. To put this into perspective, I gained a whopping 65 lbs with that pregnancy, and once into those jeans, I thought I was on top of the metabolic world! That skinny phase only lasted until my 2nd pregnancy, and ever since, I've been desperately hoping that one day I will squeeze into them again. I now work out 5 days a week, walking 8 miles in under 2 hours, and the weight just wont come off. My mother, in all of her infinite, mother-knows-best wisdom, says 'You aren't as young as you used to be'. Thanks for the reminder, mom!


  9. I like to color my body with dry-erase markers. You know…just for the times I fall off the wagon. I know, it's counter-productive, but crayons smell funny and leave little "crayon crumbs" all over the place.Awesome job, baby! Let's have pie…uh…I mean carrots.


  10. Gee, guys have their skinny jeans too!. I have a pair of jeans that I bought in the wrong size, still with the labels on them(We don't return stuff). I did lose some weight, enough to get in them and zip them up, breathing was a problem! Talk about a muffin top…but there is hope.


  11. Stopping by from SITS! I couldn't agree more with this post. I had to laugh at the Spanx comment in your 30s. While pregnant last year I was a bridesmaid in a friends wedding and I didn't think twice to wear mama spanx. (and I'm still in my 20s)It's time to romance my metabolism for the day! 🙂


  12. Springtime has lots of us thinking about our skinny jeans yes?I have several sizes in my closet.:DI'm on the straight and narrow starting last Monday.Pray for me!


  13. What a wonderful post! Really … I have been struggling with my body changing as I get a bit older (four kiddos helped too) and trying to change how I eat and getting out to exercise more.. Though I guess changing how I eat isn't really a problem.. I'm a mom to toddlers I don't really get to eat. I mean I get a banana and both my little ones need to have a piece so I get a third of a banana LOL. So filling HA. I need to just stop eating after they go to bed!stopping by from SITS, Love your blog!


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