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Matthew and I through the years – circa 1991, 1995, 1997

I have this friend. He’s been around half my life. I’ve not seen him in years but he’s close to my heart because we grew up together in many ways.

We were in our twenties when we met, which are such a crucial time in your journey of finding yourself. We weren’t quite mature enough, but just old enough to be out on our own, away from the nest. It was an amazing time and I am happy he was part of mine.

When my friend recently announced his engagement I was THRILLED. I haven’t met his fiancé but I know she’s Good People because – well – he is just a stand-up guy.

I quickly told him wherever his wedding was going to be, I was planning on being there.  Then I received an email: 

“I can’t invite anyone I have slept with. Bride’s rules. Sorry. Do I still get to come to yours?”

I was crushed.

Then I thought about it and realized I completely understood.  The fact that he and I shared a bed together makes things harder in the grown up world.  It’s not fair – and it bums me out, but I respect his lady and I know where she’s coming from.  I wouldn’t want my fiancé to be too chummy with an old lover either.

So I will send a gift and wish them well and remain in contact with him from a distance (Facebook is great that way).

This very topic reminds me of the age-old question: 

Can you be friends with an ex?

12 comments

  1. I personally believe that there's nothing wrong with maintaining a platonic friendship with an ex only if:1. You had an amicable breakup2. Have had closure and there's certainty of no wandering feelings for each other3. Know and respect your respective boundariesSince there is no malice in your intention to go to the wedding, I don't see anything wrong about it. You shared a bed years ago and that's water under the bridge but as a sign of respect for their promising future together, a gift will suffice. Personally, it wouldn't bother me but we all are entitled to our own opinions. I wouldn't mind it if my husband invited any of his exes but I wouldn't want any of mine there. It would be awkward for me and my mother would definitely tell me how disrespectful it is. LOL.You're Good People! 😛

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  2. I actually am friends with a couple of my ex's. My husband is a good man. And he has never seemed to have a problem with that. I will do the same for him if I ever get to meet any of his. But since he was a military brat and so many of his years were spent in countries far away, I don't know if that will happen. It's been a long day around here, but I promise I'll be going over to comment on your story very shortly, my dear.

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  3. i have also this EX-thing.. we didn't see each other for 8 years now, but everytime I remember own happiest moments, i can't help but cry… I'm in a 6 years-relationship now… some say that, "your heart might forget, but your body won't." So, it's better to stay away with him… you can't be friends with your ex, you will become biased with you feelings..

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  4. The answer is yes.Though to all the women in the lives of my ex-lovers, we are polite enough not to mention we were once lovers. This works if you are not currently maintaining daily contact with these ex's and if the new woman is not a part of your social circle.

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  5. I'm Facebook friends with a couple of exes. My wife's FB friends with one of them, too. She talks to my ex on FB more than I do, which is kinda strange.Gotta love the strange new world of social media, no?

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  6. Ufff hard question to answer… It depends on the case, each relationship is a world of its own. I do agree with Toni Tralala and her 3 "if check list". Very well said. I do maintain a friendship with an ex and it's been 5 years since we broke up. I have met one of her bfs (the latest one doesn't want to meet me) and she has met mine and we haven't had any problems. So, in my case is a YES if both of us are mature enough…it's still hard though jajajaja…

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