I’m Here

Posted on November 2, 2011July 3, 2012 by Christine Macdonald in Christine Macdonald

This is going to sound vain. I can’t explain it.

Or maybe I can.

I’ve read a few emails, tweets and Facebook posts asking me where I’ve been.

Truth? I’ve not written much since meeting my ex-stripper-friends in Vegas this MAY.

Too close too home. Like watching a movie where the final scene scrapes your spine. Nails on gravel.

I love those women. Who they’ve become. The strength and character they possess.

It’s just that, in meeting them after over two decades, I struggled to find myself.

Where was my strength? Did I have character, or was I victim to the well-oiled machine of The Writer wanting to be heard? The one who’d share her story of stretching out on life’s gurney. It’s wheels filled with self-doubt and coveted solace.

I needed space from my inner most self – my truth. I needed the sand in her hourglass to fall effortlessly in to the air. My space is finally settling.

This is going to sound vain. But I don’t care. I feel your love and appreciate your noticing this empty chair.

I’m back.

Thanks for keeping my table.

Published by Christine Macdonald

About Christine Macdonald Christine Macdonald is a Los Angeles based author from the island of O’ahu. Through her writing she uses her voice, a unique blend of cutting truth and self-deprecating humor to inspire others to release their shame and tell their story. She is public about her struggles with clinical depression and PTSD from childhood abuse. Her forthcoming book of essays about surviving addiction and a career in the sex industry will be published in 2020. For more on Christine’s remarkable story visit her website www.poletosoul.com. View all posts by Christine Macdonald

8 thoughts on “I’m Here”

R. Jacob says:

November 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

I kept the light on for you and the door open for your return. And finally you returned.The reasons for writing are different for all, a way of expressing ones self. I was one who was worried about you. I thought it was not a coincidence that we last heard from you after your fathers day post.welcome back…

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Fragrant Liar says:

November 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Welcome home, my friend.

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Wow, that was awkward says:

November 2, 2011 at 6:15 pm

I was hoping you had run away to Tahiti and were going to invite me over soon.

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Ingrid Ricks says:

November 2, 2011 at 7:30 pm

So happy you're back. But know you've been with me every day in my thoughts – and I've been with you. xoxo

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Sexy Serenity says:

November 3, 2011 at 7:04 am

Christine, I'm glad to hear that you are coming back to your writing. You are a strong person for writing this book, which will not only help you, but will inspire others. ❤ Serenity

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IT (aka Ivan Toblog) says:

November 18, 2011 at 7:20 pm

You're back only if you keep posting… even if you're only asking questions that may help sort through stuff.Missed ya.

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Phantomimic says:

November 24, 2011 at 5:00 am

Beautiful thoughts, and welcome back Christine, we need your voice, please keep writing.Thank you.Phanto

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Unknown says:

December 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm

I have really enjoyed what I've read here, so I am glad you're back! I can totally identify with you, having taken a writing break myself, well, a break from life in many ways, questioning who I thought I was…

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