Most of us have been there. We meet the perfect person who we feel completes us. We like the same movies, laugh at the same jokes. We find ourselves saying things like “you totally get me”, “where have you been my whole life?” and “we are soul mates!”

Fast forward a few months (or years) later and the glitter is washed away with the reality of life. And after wiping our tears, we come to the realization our perfect partner was anything but.

After dusting off my heart from yet another failed relationship, I am left to wonder: is there such a thing as soul mates?

It’s been said that there are many love life expectations and myths that repeatedly trip up even the most intelligent and otherwise successful people. That the “Love of my life” feeling can get us in to trouble. The quote “you don’t know who the love of your life is until the last day of your life” gives us pause to reflect on the many people who’ve come in and out of our lives after thinking they fit the bill.

I remember Charlotte from Sex and the City sharing her views on the subject. “Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life”. A statement she revised from her previous thought of only having one, but since her divorce, she upped the number. So which is it, I wondered. If anyone knew about soul mates, clearly it’d be Charlotte.

Then I came back to reality. Not a place I’m used to living, when it comes to matters of the heart. I much prefer flying on the heels of denial and illusion – relying on the bells and whistles of romance to carry me through. But even bells and whistles need maintenance.

 

 

Love takes work. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real.

So when do you throw in the towel? When do you realize it’s time to make a change, making yourself available for your real soul mate? Or.. .was your ex your soul mate at the time? Is there even such a thing?

At (gasp) 43, I find myself starting over, but I am in a good place. I’m taking the lessons learned in my past and building a foundation for myself – and the next man in my life. He may not know me yet, but I  know what he’s getting in to, and that is something worth believing in.

So tell me: do you believe in soul mates? Are you with yours – or have you had more than one? I would love to hear your story.

13 comments

  1. Good question about Soul Mates. My opinion about this has most certainly changed from the optimism of youth to the dark cynicism that came with painful, failed relationships. And now at age 49, after a 15 yr marriage and a divorce from someone I most certainly considered my soul mate at one time that I am starting to turn back to a more positive yet realistic vision of relationships.I would have to say that I don't believe in soul mates any more but I believe with love, openness, honesty and yea..hard work there is most definitely MAGIC to be found. I mean REAL, Tangible HONEST SPARKS!But today I believe it is less up to chance and more up to effort. And it ALWAYS starts with me being honest…I am in probably the healthiest and happiest relationship of my entire life right now…it at times has also been the most painful and difficult because we have endured some very difficult times and circumstances. It is a cliche but those tough times have brought us closer together and I in turn TRUST her more then I ever have trustyed someone before in any relationship. And yes…I brought some very serious TRUST issues to the table.So…That's my take…

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  2. At 26, I believe in soul mates. My husband, who has been my best friend for nearly 12 years, would take that role for me. He is the only person that I can truly show all my insecurities to, behave irrationally with and know that he is not going to leave or break me down for it. As a woman, I think at times, we can be unstable and hoping to find "The One" is very big in our list of priorities. I just happened to find my one at age 14. Will he always be my soul mate? Maybe not, but we both agree that if we find ourselves growing apart, that we will not hold each other back because life is very long and who is to say our minds and feelings will not grow and develop in different ways during the journey. With this being said, I don't believe in one soul mate for life, but rather your life will make the decision of how many soul mates that you have along the way.

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  3. I have come to the decision that there are three types of relationships: that of love, soul mates and twin flames. A person can fall in love a thousand times, find a hundred different soul mates – given different life situations, but I truly believe everyone person only has one twin flame. But happy marriages aren't based on any of these things. A good relationship is based on trust, honor and dependability. Everything else is just there. A twin flame can be the love of your life, but it could just as easily appear as a friend or relative. They are someone you connect to not necessarily romantically, but spiritually, in a way that you connect to no other person. For those that understand, no explanation is needed; for those that don't, none is possible. The important thing to remember is that there is no reason to live your life searching for the 'one true' person, b/c statistically speaking, you're probably not going to find them, and even if you do, you might not even recognize it until it's too late. Just appreciate what you have while you have it, and everything else will work itself out.

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  4. Stumbled across this post this morning and was smacked with the truth of it. I have found my soul-mate, and he does just that, tears down my walls, and let's the light pour in. He IS a mirror. And in it I have foud myself. Alas, we've never met, but I will be ever grateful that he shone his light to help me find mine, and maybe one day, we will find each other.

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  5. I don’t know. My whole life I avoided real relationships. Now I am seeing someone I really like, and feel in my 40’s that I’m ready to have someone to spend my life with and I hope it might be with the man I am seeing. I’ve never been married and he has been married twice, both long marriages. My problem is that I consulted with a psychic who is very accurate and she told me he is not my soul mate and that is bothering me very much. I am trying not to think about it or dwell on it. Just be thankful for what I have and watch each day develop b/c we never know how much time we have.

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  6. I’ve have been through dozens of relationships and affairs. I’ve loved so much it’s hurt to breathe. I’ve sworn that there will never be another person like them. But under the guise of love I couldn’t understand nor truly appreciate the reason why I was with them. Were they soulmates? I think you have more than one soul mate in your life. They come for different reasons and at different times just like the quote you have from Elizabeth Gilbert. Some have left imprints on my heart and some I’m glad to not have anything to do with anymore. I don’t think all were soulmates, I think they were building blocks on a foundation of my life so that one day when the person I am meant to be with comes along I’m ready. Sometimes however even if you think your ready, life has other plans. I met someone recently (we will call him Steve) who changed how I looked at my life and the world. Not only did he incur a insatiable drive to become something better, he got me for the person I am and have been. No judgements based upon my past or in how I act. Hands down the most fun I’ve ever had with anyone, in a group or alone. Absolutely the best sex 🙂 And by far someone I feel completely and totally at ease to have conversations that span the spectrum of parties to discussing our perspective and ideas on how human behaviour works. Not only does he harness my lust and infatuation, but he holds my respect and admiration, the latter two of the four I never have for significant others. I had this feeling when I was 16 and that person never left my heart. He went on to get married and have kids, but I think a part of him never forgot me either. Now here it is again at 28 (steve) at one of the most akward and probably pivotal moments in life and it just sits out of reach. I believe we re-incarnate lives and in this one I just need to figure out what it is I’m supposed to be learning and acting upon by his showing up in my life. I wish more than anything that Steve and I could be together, but like I said life sometimes has other plans. So for now I’m just going to keep on working on myself and hope that someday things will work out.

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