If you’ve been betrayed on any level, it can be a challenge to forgive. I use the word “challenge”, but let’s face it, when it comes to colossal wrong-doings where your world is shattered and trust is broken, forgiveness can be damn near impossible.
There’s no magic pill that helps wash away deceit; no DeLorean to drive us back to a time before our trust was demolished. The fact of the matter is – sometimes people mess up – badly. And even after the initial pain subsides, we are left with an indelible wall around our trusting hearts. Resentment teams up with Anger, and they pump a mean dose of Hostility through our veins.
A study from the Mayo Clinic tells us that anger causes our body to release adrenaline — the fight-or-flight hormone — which can increase muscle tension, heart rate and blood pressure. Anger might trigger or encompass other emotions, such as sadness, disappointment or frustration. Anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.
So how do we let it go?
There are many published quotes on forgiveness from The Bible to Mahatma Gandhi, but one of my favorites is by Mark Twain: Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
If only life were this poetic.
In order to move on, it is essential to forgive. This doesn’t mean you necessarily need to forget – or even continue a relationship with someone who has not treated you with love, kindness, care and respect. It simply means that you are allowing yourself to move through the pain in order to live your life with an open, loving heart.
If you are an impatient person (like me), time is not your friend when learning to forgive. It may take a while to work through your own trust issues, but be patient with yourself and consider the following:
- Think about the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time.
- Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.
- When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you.
- Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.
It’s. Our. Choice.
We all make mistakes. Some people seem to live in their poor choices, so it’s important to surround yourself with the ones who you know are Good People.
.It takes time to forgive. It takes strength, but it can be done.
Forgiving others may also be easier than forgiving ourselves. Just remember to be patient and know that when you let go of resentment, you are breaking down the walls around your heart to let love back in.
Whatever the reasons, just know that you are healing your wounded heart by allowing yourself to move on to a healthier, happier state of mind.
.“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Carrie Fisher
14 thoughts on “Forgiveness”
What we have to remember is there are two who need forgiveness. Until we forgive ourselves for our part in the offense, the resentment doesn't entirely go away
Very true. I'm struggling with that myself. It's a learning, slow-moving process.
I definitely agree that to truly forgive you have to forgive yourself. I have made peace with many situations only AFTER forgiving myself.
Funny how that works! Many of us seem to be harder on ourselves. Thanks for reading and your comment Laura. 🙂
I love that Mark Twain quote…But I never hear anybody say that the damn flower still died.I sometimes think it is better to crush the flower and walk with the scent of forgiveness beneath my feet.Lol.
ah yes, the art of forgiveness. Easy to say, hard to do.
I just wish to say thanks, i havent posted on your blog but i have been an avid reader for very some time now.
I can now trully say that i have been converted into a loyal fan!
@Shelly – that's funny! :)@RJ – Very true.@Anonymous peeps: Thank you so much for the compliment and taking the time to comment.xxoo
Popped in from SITS! I'm so bad at holding grudges.
Man… you are hitting my 'hot spots' here.My oldest sister really fukt us over when Dad died… really bad. I hated her… HATED her!! HATED HER!!!!!… and it was eating me alive.I found that I needed to forgive her for what she had done. One of my family members is really upset that I have chosen to forgive her… he doesn't understand that when we make the decision to forgive another for their actions, that the act is actually beneficial for ourselves.Tom doesn't understand me when I tell him that I have forgiven her… but I haven't forgotten.Patience is a life-long goal. I think I've made great headway…The great downside to it? I think at time, I allow people to take advantage of me…*sighs*~shoes~
For me there's a distinction between my capacity for forgiveness versus acceptance.Maybe I'm just not ready to let go, but I don't see myself being able to forgive a particular person from something that transpired in my life, but I have learned to accept it. Maybe it's a fear of letting go of the anger or a need to keep myself realizing the importance of how this situation affected my life. But, at least for me, when it comes to something major, I'm not sure that true forgiveness is possible.
Thank you this is what I needed to see right now. I’m having so much trouble forgiving myself for a lot of things that have happened this year. I used to be so good at it and now it just makes me sad. I want to just move past it and get my old self back but my emotions won’t allow that. The shame sucks!! I can’t believe I’m writing this, I had my shit together once!!