If you’ve been betrayed on any level, it can be a challenge to forgive. I use the word “challenge”, but let’s face it, when it comes to colossal wrong-doings where your world is shattered and trust is broken, forgiveness can be damn near impossible.
There’s no magic pill that helps wash away deceit; no DeLorean to drive us back to a time before our trust was demolished. The fact of the matter is – sometimes people mess up – badly. And even after the initial pain subsides, we are left with an indelible wall around our trusting hearts. Resentment teams up with Anger, and they pump a mean dose of Hostility through our veins.
A study from the Mayo Clinic tells us that anger causes our body to release adrenaline — the fight-or-flight hormone — which can increase muscle tension, heart rate and blood pressure. Anger might trigger or encompass other emotions, such as sadness, disappointment or frustration. Anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.
So how do we let it go?
There are many published quotes on forgiveness from The Bible to Mahatma Gandhi, but one of my favorites is by Mark Twain: Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
If only life were this poetic.
In order to move on, it is essential to forgive. This doesn’t mean you necessarily need to forget – or even continue a relationship with someone who has not treated you with love, kindness, care and respect. It simply means that you are allowing yourself to move through the pain in order to live your life with an open, loving heart.
If you are an impatient person (like me), time is not your friend when learning to forgive. It may take a while to work through your own trust issues, but be patient with yourself and consider the following:
- Think about the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time.
- Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.
- When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you.
- Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.
It’s. Our. Choice.
We all make mistakes. Some people seem to live in their poor choices, so it’s important to surround yourself with the ones who you know are Good People.
.It takes time to forgive. It takes strength, but it can be done.
Forgiving others may also be easier than forgiving ourselves. Just remember to be patient and know that when you let go of resentment, you are breaking down the walls around your heart to let love back in.
Whatever the reasons, just know that you are healing your wounded heart by allowing yourself to move on to a healthier, happier state of mind.
.“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Carrie Fisher