*Edited 3.30.2016

 

main-qimg-4cd9d0abdd61a3f86eb8db248571686d-cRight now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are. Now take a deep breath and let that truth wash over you.

I recently satiated on one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies (next to Shawshank, Almost Famous, Postcards From the Edge).

No matter how many times I watch these lines come to life, it ignites that part of me I sometimes forget exists:

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you — the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass”  – Juno (screenplay by Diablo Cody)

Hard to believe – what with my being a professional pole swinger in the 80’s and all – but when it comes to fathers – I got nothing. Nada. Bupkis. It used to really piss me off, but I’m good now.

Spend enough time in the therapy chair and even hard-core narcissists get weary of cliché.

Somewhere in the cigarette smoke-filled milieu of graduating the stripper scene in my twenties and navigating my thirties with the moxie only a born salesman can attain, I pierced the Daddy Issues umbrella. It was enough to move on from being a victim of my mother’s poor choices, to my own mid-life conundrums.  I’ve been a walking lesson to myself for decades now without any help from the family fallback card.

Therapy should come with a hole-punch card.

Welcome to treatment! Ex-stripper? Daddy issues? Self-esteem in the shitter? Punch. Punch. Punch. Only two more and your next issue is free!

How cool would it be if we could all take a pill and wake up one day, look in the mirror and see what our loved ones see. We’d all wake up where our real life bleeds over from our dreams. The fantasy life we spend so much time wishing ourselves different from who we are would be reality. We’d have that perfect body, hair, skin, waist size, career, bank account, family, spouse… whatever.

Know what’s perfect? The knowledge that nothing is. The most beautiful part of being human is knowing that we are.

And human beings are flawed. We make mistakes, fall on our asses, throw people under the bus, avoid personal responsibility, live in denial, project our issues, betray trust, and break rules.

And that’s just with the people we love.

But not all hope is lost, so open that garage door and turn off the engine, buddy.

We also have infinite measures of being able to forgive, lend a hand, support each other, share our good fortune, own our mistakes, learn from them, pull ourselves back up, teach each other, and provide compassion – not to mention unconditional love.

Right now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are – as dysfunctional as you are. They know you are perfectly flawed. And love you.

So now that you’ve been reminded of your greatness – it’s a good time to cut yourself some slack.

23 comments

  1. I love the good that you put into the world. Sometimes, the Internet is full of bad, negative things, but when I come to this place – I come knowing that I will walk away refreshed…inspired…encouraged…lifted up. I wrote something for my mother a few years ago, but it applies to you, too. And I’d be honored if you read it, knowing that I think of you in her shoes. Because yes, someone is grateful for you and all that you are, and all that you offer. And no, no one is perfect – but sometimes, we’re all pretty great (and others (like you) bring greatness out in others).

    My view of absent fathers (and their affect on wonderful women) is here…
    http://eternalsunshinequest.blogspot.com/2010/03/ashes-to-ashes.html

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  2. I am so happy I “clicked” on your post at exactly the moment I did. I was short with a friend today, and even though I apologized, I still feel awful. Reading this made me feel better. Thank you for that.

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  3. Amen, sister. My mantra for the past year has been “give yourself grace.” For some reason, those three words have been working for me.

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  4. Thank you for that!! I recently learned that we must have peace in our lives before we have purpose or power. It HAS TO be in that order. One cannot aquire peace AFTER purpose or power.. Only BEFORE!! Reading your words about our permission to be imperfect gives ME peace…a new sense of purpose and the power to do and be whatever I damn well please!!! My flaws and shortcomings ARE perfect.

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  5. I adore this (and you!). Plus I love the Shawshank and Juno…
    this is so true, lately I’ve been so down on myself, convinced that I’m not good for anything but I have moments where I remember, where I must remind myself that there are at least 10 people (family of course, friends too) that think the world of me, that would be lost without me. It’s heady to feel that…and it gets me through the really bad days.

    what a gorgeous post!

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  6. This was really nice to read, especially today. You do write beautifully. And, I never really doubted your logic, as you seem like a well-rounded person, who has seem lots of good and bad days, which I believe makes the perfect writer–not someone who has sunshine and lollipops every day of their life. Maybe you are perfect for what you do?

    Anyways, yes, Juno was a great movie in many ways. But I like that idea that someone is grateful for us as we are, and we should cut ourselves some slack. Negativity doesn’t bring out results, it just makes you want to stop trying. Here’s to being nice to ourselves 🙂 Thanks for the pick me up.

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    1. I gotta say, I almost swallowed my gum when I read “well rounded person”… That’s one I’ve never heard (except maybe if you were talking about my life-long struggle with my Buddha Belly). But THANK YOU! I’ll take it.

      I’m such a work in progress, I should have orange cones for earrings.

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  7. Hey hey with all the love in the world from A&K over at Below the Radar. We nominated you for the Sunshine Award and would love for you to accept—but we know things come up and how many spoons it takes to go through that! Just know that you can find the post here, http://belowtheradar002.com/2013/04/23/bursting-hearts/, with the acceptance rules and the nomination. Thank you for inspiring us and know that you will always have BTR on your side.

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  8. I received an email from your website on October 20th. I thought, “Wha?” Who IS this lady and when did I sign up for this? I clicked on it a couple of days ago but got busy.

    Today – 10/28/13 – It was so difficult for me to get out of bed. I am healing from a narcissistic sociopath…. and doing quite well actually. But yesterday I had a “2 steps back” kinda day.

    I’m at work and finally clicked on it and then decided to read this… OMG so needed… so perfect…. so timely!!!

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