Most women at some point in their lives have struggled with their weight. And if you’re over 30 and have and access to social media, magazines, television, movie theaters and/or advertising (plugging anything from sports cars to carrot juice) you’re probably not down with  fat.

It’s an ugly word. It says so much in the space of three letters. If you’ve ever been called the F word, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Lazy, slob, gross, ugly, unfuck-able; these are all judgmental derivatives of the word fat.

Even if we’ve never been considered remotely fat by our friends and family, chances are we’ve obsessed over the numbers on our scale at some point between learning to shave our legs and perfecting liquid eye-liner.

I was a stripper addicted to cocaine for the better part of a decade . THIS PHOTO of me (my own words in bold) was taped to my refrigerator for YEARS.

KikiBikiniBodyDys_Page_1

 

I want to wrap my arms around her and do everything I can to make her see what I refused to believe because of my inner-bully telling me I wasn’t enough.

Enough for what? More tips on stage? More validation I was attractive? The beautiful, curvy size-12 woman I am today looks at this photo and wants to simultaneously laugh and cry.

I’m not posting this to brag about being a stripper, or show off the bikini bod I wish I still had (and never appreciated). I’m posting this photo as a reminder for us all – including the media – to help young women see the beauty in their bodies, no matter what size.

Think about it. What chance do young women have if our standards are navigated by the skewed perception that skinny equals enough?

To be fair, I was a chubby high-schooler and my stripper period took place during the waif era.  Still, I can’t help but wonder – what was I thinking (more on this later)?

Thoughts?

2 comments

  1. We aren’t very forgiving of ourselves, and our self views are often distorted. This struck a chord with me because I “struggled” with weight issues in my teens/early twenties. And by struggled, I mean, I wasn’t fat, but that’s what I saw in myself… and when I graduated high school, I weighed 90 pounds. Now, I’m a healthy weight, but I’ll be the first one to focus on my ‘flabby abs’, while still acknowledging that my two kids are worth it.

    And, by the way, the photo of that little girl on the scale at the beginning of your post just breaks my heart. It’s like we’re passing down the legacy of our self worth residing in our weight. Sad.

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    1. 90 pounds – wow. I literally stopped eating in high school after overhearing someone say I was fat. I got down to 116 (5’7″). It’s so sad and unnecessary.

      I agree about that photo of the little girl. It’s an important image and I hope it resonates with parents that we DON’T pass on the legacy of insecure body image. Thanks for the comment. 🙂

      Like

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