“The spirit finds a way to be born.
Instinct seeks for ways to survive.” – Toba Beta
From the time we are old enough to know better, we find ways to test the rules. What ebbs, we want to flow. Up? Fuck that, gimmie Down.
As kids, it’s liberating; a way to forge independence and carve our path. We long to navigate beyond right and wrong – we adore hovering in the what ifs and why nots – which is what learning is all about.
As we mature into adulthood, lessons carry more weight. We discover fear from what has burned us – about hope from moments that carry us beyond our wildest dreams – to love on how we are loved.
For those of us who were raised with emotional deficits – the broken – the lost – our concept of right and wrong is skewed. We lie, but more importantly, believe the lies we live, tell others and to ourselves. It’s a defense mechanism. It’s all we know.
One of the best (and most horrifying) ways to learn the hard lessons of life is to test our instinct. Somewhere deep inside our soul, we know. That little voice inside us taps our tortured souls, waving its arms “no….no..this will hurt.” We go in anyway.
The problem with not listening to our instinct is that eventually the veil of denial always lifts. Instead of only feeling betrayed by others, there’s an element of self-destruction. The “what the fuck was I thinking” takes over. At this point, we have a choice. We can beat ourselves up the way we learned to as children, or we can thank the voice. That beautiful hum inside your heart. Don’t allow it to say things like “I told you so.”
YOU CONTROL YOUR VOICE.
In the face of betrayal, smile with gratitude. You’ve learned about loyalty.
With tears of disappointment, wipe them with kindness. You’ve learned about expectations.
We may not have been raised with the love and kindness we deserved – but don’t ever let this stop you from giving it to yourself.
Instinct always knows. Befriend your voice. Forgive it when you fall. Allow it to lift you. You’ll be surprised how high you will fly.