Right Now.

main-qimg-4cd9d0abdd61a3f86eb8db248571686d-cRight now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are. Now take a deep breath and let that truth wash over you.

I recently satiated on one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies (next to Shawshank, Almost Famous, Postcards From the Edge).

No matter how many times I watch these lines come to life, it ignites that part of me I sometimes forget exists:

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you — the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass”  – Juno (screenplay by Diablo Cody)

Hard to believe – what with my being a professional pole swinger in the 80’s and all – but when it comes to fathers – I got nothing. Nada. Bupkis. It used to really piss me off, but I’m good now.

Spend enough time in the therapy chair and even hard-core narcissists get weary of cliché.

Somewhere in the cigarette smoke-filled milieu of graduating the stripper scene in my twenties and navigating my thirties with the moxie only a born salesman can attain, I pierced the Daddy Issues umbrella. It was enough to move on from being a victim of my mother’s poor choices, to my own mid-life conundrums.  I’ve been a walking lesson to myself for decades now without any help from the family fallback card.

Therapy should come with a hole-punch card.

Welcome to treatment! Ex-stripper? Daddy issues? Self-esteem in the shitter? Punch. Punch. Punch. Only two more and your next issue is free!

How cool would it be if we could all take a pill and wake up one day, look in the mirror and see what our loved ones see. We’d all wake up where our real life bleeds over from our dreams. The fantasy life we spend so much time wishing ourselves different from who we are would be reality. We’d have that perfect body, hair, skin, waist size, career, bank account, family, spouse… whatever.

Know what’s perfect? The knowledge that nothing is. The most beautiful part of being human is knowing that we are.

And human beings are flawed. We make mistakes, fall on our asses, throw people under the bus, avoid personal responsibility, live in denial, project our issues, betray trust, and break rules.

And that’s just with the people we love.

But not all hope is lost, so open that garage door and turn off the engine, buddy.

We also have infinite measures of being able to forgive, lend a hand, support each other, share our good fortune, own our mistakes, learn from them, pull ourselves back up, teach each other, and provide compassion – not to mention unconditional love.

Right now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are – as dysfunctional as you are. They know you are perfectly flawed. And love you.

So now that you’ve been reminded of your greatness – it’s a good time to cut yourself some slack.

Christine Macdonald

Do you obsess or let go?


Being obsessive is a pain in the ass.

In the last two weeks I have submitted two essays; one was to Salon and the other to the New York Times. I’m beside myself with angst.

What if I were published? What if I’m not? What if, what if.

I don’t need anyone to tell me I am being obsessive. My gastrointestinal track lets me know just fine. On the upside, I think I’ve lost some weight with all the excitement.

It’s been said the trick with this whole writing thing is to submit and let go. How does one do this? Where do I sign up?

I hang on so much I get blisters. Not just with columns I am hoping to get published. I allow things in my life to fester – I Google old boyfriends (for no reason other than idle curiosity). I look back so much I need a rear-view mirror for my obsessions.

So tell me – are you a hanger-on-er or do you learn to let things go?

I’d love to hear your stories on how you handle waiting for news.

Christine Macdonald

What If Monster

There is a monster in all of our minds and she’s a total bitch. She smells of self-doubt and cynicism. She is the sassy girl who knows you are but what is she. She is never far when we are taking steps to follow our dreams.

I attended a conference call today titled “How do you know when you have a book?” I sit here marinating in my notes from the call (not to mention my slight embarrassment as I asked a question and could not stop talking in nervousness), and am in deep thought.I know I sometimes think too much.

Even before today’s phone debacle, writing my memoir has opened up questions that are not always easy to answer.
What makes your story different?

What is your universal message?

It seems these days that memoirs are the new black. Everyone wants a piece of the literary pie and thinks they deserve the freshest slice. But what if your story has been told before…and told really well? What if nobody is interested?

What if
What if
What if

The answers to those questions are simple: because there is only ONE me. Just like there is only ONE YOU. Don’t let your monster take over your dreams. We have come too far.

Here is the part where you tell me: how to you control the monster in your head?

Christine Macdonald