On the corner of Lessons and Message (poem)

Too many tears of late

I cannot comprehend

I know I’m not alone

Let’s begin again

 

If happiness is born from agony

And beauty, from the wreckage

Then laughter is around the bend

On the corner of Lessons and Message

 

To push away the ones we love

Then weep over the lonely

Is incomparable insanity

A type of suicide where we fade slowly

 

Too many tears of late

The canvas, too dark in hue

I cannot possibly be alone with the thought

Of hoping for a new

 

Christine Macdonald

Right Now.

*Edited 3.30.2016

 

main-qimg-4cd9d0abdd61a3f86eb8db248571686d-cRight now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are. Now take a deep breath and let that truth wash over you.

I recently satiated on one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies (next to Shawshank, Almost Famous, Postcards From the Edge).

No matter how many times I watch these lines come to life, it ignites that part of me I sometimes forget exists:

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you — the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass”  – Juno (screenplay by Diablo Cody)

Hard to believe – what with my being a professional pole swinger in the 80’s and all – but when it comes to fathers – I got nothing. Nada. Bupkis. It used to really piss me off, but I’m good now.

Spend enough time in the therapy chair and even hard-core narcissists get weary of cliché.

Somewhere in the cigarette smoke-filled milieu of graduating the stripper scene in my twenties and navigating my thirties with the moxie only a born salesman can attain, I pierced the Daddy Issues umbrella. It was enough to move on from being a victim of my mother’s poor choices, to my own mid-life conundrums.  I’ve been a walking lesson to myself for decades now without any help from the family fallback card.

Therapy should come with a hole-punch card.

Welcome to treatment! Ex-stripper? Daddy issues? Self-esteem in the shitter? Punch. Punch. Punch. Only two more and your next issue is free!

How cool would it be if we could all take a pill and wake up one day, look in the mirror and see what our loved ones see. We’d all wake up where our real life bleeds over from our dreams. The fantasy life we spend so much time wishing ourselves different from who we are would be reality. We’d have that perfect body, hair, skin, waist size, career, bank account, family, spouse… whatever.

Know what’s perfect? The knowledge that nothing is. The most beautiful part of being human is knowing that we are.

And human beings are flawed. We make mistakes, fall on our asses, throw people under the bus, avoid personal responsibility, live in denial, project our issues, betray trust, and break rules.

And that’s just with the people we love.

But not all hope is lost, so open that garage door and turn off the engine, buddy.

We also have infinite measures of being able to forgive, lend a hand, support each other, share our good fortune, own our mistakes, learn from them, pull ourselves back up, teach each other, and provide compassion – not to mention unconditional love.

Right now. This very second. Someone is thinking of you, grateful for you – just as you are – as dysfunctional as you are. They know you are perfectly flawed. And love you.

So now that you’ve been reminded of your greatness – it’s a good time to cut yourself some slack.

Christine Macdonald