Let go or hang on? Your call, your rules.

LG1

“You can only lose what you cling to.”– Buddha

As I mentioned in a previous post about letting go, it can be anything but easy. Whether you’re moving to a new town, changing careers, going through a break up, or even cleaning out your closet, change is rarely without its challenges.

Some of us have no problem moving on. Out with the old is second nature. But for others, the idea of change is enough to make you hide under the covers.

It’s been said that the only way to move forward is to never look back; that instead of checking our personal rear-view mirrors from time to time, we should bash them with a fist full of determination while chanting the mantra “Live in the NOW.”

But what if the lessons you needed to learn are still in progress while you attempt to turn the page? What if there are parts of your past that actually were life-changing, monumental events that served your happiness and soul – and you are a better person for it?

Like everything in life – the trick is in the balance.

The only person who is equipped to decipher what we ought to let go of and what we should carry with us moving ahead, is us. Most of the time, in making these choices, we are emotional, off-kilter and just plain delusional. This makes our decision making anything but rational.

Have you ever stayed in touch with an old friend and one day, after yet another shining example of why you two should have left your hang-time in high school (because you have nothing in common) realize you actually don’t really enjoy one another?

How about when you clean your closet (or try to), and you realize half of the items cramming your hangers have not been your pant-size in years?

Whether it’s a not-like-minded friend from high school or a suit you haven’t been able to squeeze into since Murphy Brown was on the air – some of us just hang on.

However long you’ve been walking this earth – everything – every person – in your life has a story. Maybe you feel that if you stay connected to that high school friend, you’re keeping a part of yourself from a much simpler time. Perhaps tossing out the clothes you outgrew (literally) when you were younger will mean that you’ve given up on getting back in to shape.  

It’s all a story.

Stories have layers.

It’s only when we’re ready to peel back those layers that we can truly evolve and move on. And if you’re not ready, then forgive yourself for the emotional abuse you’ve been creating with the expectations you should be. 

This is YOUR story. Go at your own pace.

If someone is turning their page and you’re still marinating in your own shit, it’s time to stop comparing (read; Compared to WHAT?) and focus on your own proverbial book – which is amazing, heartbreaking, challenging, loving, scary, and bad ass. Just like you.

Amazing

Your thoughts? 

Christine Macdonald

Soul Mates?

Most of us have been there. We meet the perfect person who we feel completes us. We like the same movies, laugh at the same jokes. We find ourselves saying things like “you totally get me”, “where have you been my whole life?” and “we are soul mates!”

Fast forward a few months (or years) later and the glitter is washed away with the reality of life. And after wiping our tears, we come to the realization our perfect partner was anything but.

After dusting off my heart from yet another failed relationship, I am left to wonder: is there such a thing as soul mates?

It’s been said that there are many love life expectations and myths that repeatedly trip up even the most intelligent and otherwise successful people. That the “Love of my life” feeling can get us in to trouble. The quote “you don’t know who the love of your life is until the last day of your life” gives us pause to reflect on the many people who’ve come in and out of our lives after thinking they fit the bill.

I remember Charlotte from Sex and the City sharing her views on the subject. “Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life”. A statement she revised from her previous thought of only having one, but since her divorce, she upped the number. So which is it, I wondered. If anyone knew about soul mates, clearly it’d be Charlotte.

Then I came back to reality. Not a place I’m used to living, when it comes to matters of the heart. I much prefer flying on the heels of denial and illusion – relying on the bells and whistles of romance to carry me through. But even bells and whistles need maintenance.

 

 

Love takes work. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real.

So when do you throw in the towel? When do you realize it’s time to make a change, making yourself available for your real soul mate? Or.. .was your ex your soul mate at the time? Is there even such a thing?

At (gasp) 43, I find myself starting over, but I am in a good place. I’m taking the lessons learned in my past and building a foundation for myself – and the next man in my life. He may not know me yet, but I  know what he’s getting in to, and that is something worth believing in.

So tell me: do you believe in soul mates? Are you with yours – or have you had more than one? I would love to hear your story.

Christine Macdonald