Only in a strip club…


I’m working on a new chapter which includes real life embarrassing stripper moments.

Here is a taste.

Enjoy.

The Flying Stiletto

Picture it. Me, twirling on the pole at the edge of the runway stage, legs in the air. My right heel slips off my foot and goes flying in the crowd. I continue to dance with one bare foot (on my tip toe to balance the six inch difference). What a professional.

Gassy Girl

This title is reserved for a petite little Taiwanese gal. She stood all of five feet and her ass sounded like a broken muffler. Talk about little spark plug.

Squirting Stripper

She was a young mother and still breast feeding. Need I say more?

Don’t quit your day job

Toward the end of my career at 27, I took a job waiting tables at California Pizza Kitchen during the week. I cut my stripping hours down to the weekends as I tried to transition to the real world of minimum wage and time cards.

When word got out of my weekend stripping life, all three managers came in the club to check me out. I was completely naked and bent over taking a tip when I recognized their three faces, upside down, smiling at me from the front door. I waved hello and continued on stage. From that night on, I always got my requested restaurant shifts.

Electric Tooth

I had a regular customer who came in every Friday afternoon from work. He was an electrician and giggled when he got nervous. A harmless man who I thought was too kind for the strip scene, so I never bothered to tell him about his one discolored, glowing fake tooth. Black lights and dental work do not mix. Remember that one fellas.

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Excuse me, I can see…

When anyone is rushed, we can forget our keys, paperwork at the office or our wallet on the dresser. When strippers are rushed (ok, high on coke) they can forget to wipe the white powder from their nose, remove stray toilet paper and yes… even to hide their tampon string before going on stage. Have I mentioned the black lights? 

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“Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can” ~ Elsa Maxwell
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Christine Macdonald

Exposed

I feel more exposed writing about my skin these past two days than I ever have strutting on stage naked.

Each word is a delicate layer of my mask being lifted. The more I write, the brighter the bulb.

Stripping was an amazing ride, but having the normal life I was longing for years outweighs it all. I am finally leveled in the balance of self-acceptance and it feels amazing.

How about you? Any regrets…reliefs? Do you have any parts of a mask you want to shed or have left behind?



“To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and to never stop fighting.” — E. E. Cummings

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Christine Macdonald

90’s Flashback: The Strip

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Strippers from the mainland always came to Waikiki to work and hearing their stories left me chomping at the bit. Having never left the island, I felt it was time to take myself on an adventure and see how the rest of the world lived; well one town anyway.
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Three years into my life as a stripper at 22 years old, I hopped on a plane to California from Hawaii after purchasing a one-way air ticket. I figured I would make my return fare home on stage, whenever I felt like making it back to the island.
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For work, I checked out the scene at Star Strip and a handful of other dives, but decided on The Seventh Veil located right on the Sunset Strip. Mötley Crüe filmed part of their video for Girls Girls Girls there so that was all I needed.
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Although I was officially on a working vacation, I still found time to let my overly teased and Aquanetted hair down – not to mention make very questionable fashion choices. Below are some Polaroid’s from a night after work at The Whisky on Sunset. It’s safe to say, I was going through an all-white nurse-fantasy fashion phase.

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The complete story of my Hollywood adventure will be told in the book.

Thanks so much for your interest and following. It really helps keep me going. 

Christine Macdonald